Okay, so I’ve come to the conclusion that the Stanley Cup is making me fat.
Maybe you are experiencing the same bad-timing, pre-summer pork-up as a result of the Canucks run for the cup?
I rush home from work on game days and pull my leather reclining chair and foot stool directly in front of the TV, scoff back my dinner and down cider while wondering how high my blood pressure goes up every time the Bruins score.
But, y’know, I’m a team player and if I have to eat every sugar-laden sweet and salty treat in my kitchen to get the Canucks through this series – well, hell I’ll do. Even if it means that my skinny jeans become sausage jeans and I develop back boobs.
I AM COMMITTED. I AM A BELIEVER. I AM CANADIAN. I AM …WONDERING IF THERE ARE ANY TIMBITS IN THE HOUSE.
And, you know what else I am, at least for the next week? I am a hockey player and I’m prepared to suit up and get on the ice for the Canucks. They might have to find me some Wellwood, post- off-season pants to do it, but damn it, I’ll do it.
I will make a big difference on any line, especially if I am PMSing AND my clothes don’t fit. That TimBit Thomas won’t know what hit him. If he strays outside his little blue circle area, like he usually does, this beotch of a whale will take him down.
He’ll need two jock straps – one for the testicle on the inside of his hockey pants and one for the one I’m gonna yank to the outside of his pants. Then I’ll go after Chara just because he’s so damn tall – those freakishly tall people just drive me crazy.
Now, we’re onto game 5 and it’s tied 2 apiece and there is no way I’ll fit into a 2-piece in time for summer, so I’ll stock up and nibble on anything, including Burrow’s finger, if it’ll get us that CUP!
GO CANUCKS GO!!!
Blogaloma girl 